dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
