I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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