i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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