I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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