Christians are straight up FREAKS
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
