I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
