My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
