Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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