Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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