Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
