It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
