i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
