Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
