Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
