Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
