i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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