how can u be prego again
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize