I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
