so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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