you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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