So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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