I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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