He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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