I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
