That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
