she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
