He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
