I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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