I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've blown a few things in my day
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
