just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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