3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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