just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
