K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
