yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
