I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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