omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
