State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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