Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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