you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
