never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
