Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize