Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
