how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
