Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
