I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
