party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There r osticjed everywhere
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
