I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize