I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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