I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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