So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize