I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
