you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
