Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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