I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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