make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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