If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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