I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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