I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I just shit out all my problems.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
