she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
