I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
