Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
