worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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