I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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