I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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