i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize